Goin' to the Farm and Ranch Show...

Yup. Call me Hillbilly Jace: tomorrow, I'm goin' to the Farm and Ranch Show.

There's plenty of action a'brewin with a calf scramble, steer and heifer preview [I actually know the difference now!], and the opportunity to buy a specially crafted 40th Anniversary Collectible Farmall 450 Tractor. Only 250 were made, and they're going at a steal of a deal of $70. [Or three easy installments of $23.33 - Act now! Operators are standing by!]

So, I'm not really sure what I'm going to be doing there, aside from looking at purdy tractors and farm gear, and maybe some cows and stuff. Generally, I'm just going to be with The Cowboy, being the good Cowboy's friend that I am. [Still can't say GF....sounds too weird.] Secretly, I am kind of curious to know what goes on at these things. Last time I checked the Prairie Farm Report was too long ago....y'know?

I even know what I'll be wearing to this gala event: my new sexy John Deere t-shirt.

Ohhhhhh, yeah.

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SSW! [Severe Sap Warning]

Those who know me as the sophisticated cosmopolitan urbanite that I am will think I'm crazy....

...and they're right.

I'm absolutely crazy about him.

healthy green sludge

I need to write more posts, because every time I pull up my blog, that damn picture of the chocolate croissants gets me craving the ooey-gooey goodness.

So I decided I would combat the urge for mass consumption of all things pastry with another kind of indulgence: green sludge.

If you recall, last year I got a blender for Christmas. I've been testing my creativity with the thing over the past few months, and have come upon a favourite concoction: Spinach Smoothies.

Now before you go on with your Es trailed by many Ws [that's "eww", for those of you paying attention], hear me out. This stuff is g-o-o-d! Despite its heinous appearance, it tastes great and is super healthy, too. Dean would be proud.

I started out with a banana and a little milk; basic smoothie fare. Then, I kept being preached at while at the gym on the need for protein in the morning, so I went to my local Sobey's, bought some tofu [yeah, you read right: tofu!], and threw that in the blender too. Result? The consistency of vomit. Yep. [Maybe I should have warned readers of the graphic content of this post beforehand?] It was....how do you say....disgusting!

However, just last week, I was buying some cottage cheese, and noticed that cottage cheese is very high in protein, so I tried adding some of this to my breakfast concoction. Guess what?! Cottage cheese blends smooth, and you can't even tell it's there! Bingo!

Recap:
1 banana,
1 splash of milk,
1/4 cup of cottage cheese.

Then, I spied a basket of strawberries in the fridge, so I threw a couple of those in the mix. Outcome? A pleasantly sweet pale pink drink.

Now, those who know me well know that I abhor that girly colour, so something had to be done. I could not very well drink pink for breakfast. It's against my Anti-Girly Standards. I mean, I'm already compromising my Anti-Redneck Values [ARVs] enough by getting into a huge-ass farm truck every time I go out with The Cowboy.

I scanned the contents of the refigerator for something I could add to this montrosity to change its prissy hue. There! In the crisper! A bag of spinach leaves! Iron, fibre, Vitamin A....what better filler than some good ol' popeye juice?

I threw in two giant handfuls and hit the start button on the blender. My pretty pale pink instantly turned into sludge the colour of pistachios. It looked like something my weird yoga-meditating-new-age cousins would drink.

Hesitantly, I poured the goop into a glass and took a sip. To my great surprise, the goop was good! Really good! You can't even taste the spinach.

So, with the chance that one of you dear readers is brave enough, I present to you:

Jace's Green Goop Smoothies

1 ripe banana

1/4 cup fat-free cottage cheese

3-4 strawberries

1/4 - 1/2 cup of skim milk

two large handfuls of fresh spinach leaves

Blend on high speed until smooth.

Pour into tall glass.

Down immediately without thinking about

the fact that you're drinking green sludge.

Yield: one serving.

Enjoy the benefits of protein, potassium,

fibre, calcium, vitamins A & C

and a good dose of iron in a glass.

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Big Orange Fire-Ball

When I got up this morning to go to the gym, I went outside and audible awe escaped my mouth.

The sky was on fire.

To the east, high in the sky, was a big orange fire-ball like I have never seen before.

Perfectly round, there was this glowing-ember-coloured sphere of awesomeness.

I think God is the best artist. Ever.

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heaven

So, I went to the gym this morning and had everyone in the building drooling.

Colin's mom had brought him some home-baked chocolate croissants and he gave me one, which I ate for breakfast this morning.

I was describing in great detail how they are drizzled with chocolate on the outside, and when you warm them up, the chocolate on the inside becomes all warm, and gooey and melts in your mouth, and gets all over the place.

The women in the gym were fairly groaning, as they abandoned the whoosh of the hydraulic machines to stand there, longingly, glassy-eyed, drool coming out of the corners of their mouths....

No one will ever understand the connection between women and their chocolate.

The one beside me said she thought she gained a pound just hearing about it. I told them that's why I go to they gym: so that I can eat chocolate for breakfast.

The way I see it, chocolate is made from cocoa; cocoa is a bean; beans are vegetables; vegetables are a main food group.

So I don't think it unwise to make sure I have at least 5-6 servings of chocolate a day.

After all, one must have a balanced sense of nutrition, n'est-ce pas?