And I've never been to Boston in the fall...

So, it's been a few days since I've posted anything, and I can't really say it's because I didn't have time. It's just that for the past four days, I didn't do anything.

Kinda like a pirate.

I worked ten days in a row up until the day I left for Quebec. I was then on a whirlwind schedule for two and a half weeks, came back and worked another ten day stretch [minus the one sanity day I took...]. Thursday was my first real day off, and for the past four days, I have been in serious veg mode.

The thing is, I was kinda stressed about it. Now who gets stressed about doing nothing? [Me, obviously. After all, this is all about me, isn't it?] I think the reason behind it is that I have A TON of things to do in the next few weeks, and when I start feeling really overwhelmed, I end up doing nothing. It's like I subconsciously go on strike. Then I wonder why I feel so irritated, frustrated, and stressed. I was lamenting [Biblical word for "whining"*] about feeling frustrated to a friend who knows me really well, and his advice to me was to at least do one thing on my giant "to-do" list, no matter how small the task was. And you know, it really helped! Now I just have to remember this the next time I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I actually have more to write, but I shall save it for tomorrow, as I have just returned from Bugtussle, and with work tomorrow looming in the not-so-distant future, my bed is beckoning to me.

Buona notte, mi amici!

*I stole that joke from my dad. MY DAD....!! Who knew?

A word on honour...

Today I had to go downtown to visit the Landlord and Tenant Advisory Board to confirm some information regarding the lease I am in right now, and I was to meet Natasha at Churchill Square afterwards. I figured that since it was a quasi-government related office, it would take awhile, so I gave myself a lot of time. To my surprise, they were able to help me in about two minutes and I was left with nothing to do while I waited for Natasha to show up at 1:30.

Since Churchill Square is about a block away from my office, I decided to drop in and torment my colleagues who were working today. [I had today and tomorrow off because I worked last weekend.] Eric happened to be going for lunch and asked me if I wanted to go down to Taste of Edmonton with him on the Square.

I don't know Eric very well outside of work, but from the two times we've been in social situations out of the office, I've noticed something about him. Eric is a gentleman. I know the term sounds somewhat archaic, but dictionary.com defines a gentleman as a well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.

Granted, Eric treats everyone in the office with the same amount of flack, but outside of the office, I really noticed his penchant towards good manners. Or are things like holding doors open, letting a woman (lady?) walk first, and general consideration considered "manners" now-a-days? I have to say, it makes me feel awkward in a way to receive "special" treatment. But I know Eric's intentions weren't to make an impression on me. I think it's just the way he was raised. Perhaps it's his Asian culture that puts an emphasis on honour? I guess I'm just not used to that.

When our office gang went out for Punjabi food a couple of months ago, Eric, Martina and I were the last ones to pay for our food. But when Martina and I went to pay, Eric had already gotten our bill. I don't know what to say about this...he has such a beautiful humility about him, and being the recipient of his grace is hard for me. Why is that?

I met another gentleman a couple of weeks ago, and was blown away by the way I felt so honoured. I spent a day with a friend, but learned so much about what it is to feel safe, taken care of, protected and special. His courtesy, planning, and thoughtfulness blessed me immensely.

It sounds so old-fashioned, but in a world where I often have to fend for myself, and fight for myself, it was a refreshing oasis. Furthermore, it brought out in me the desire to serve the one honouring me, not out of what I could get from it, but out of a deep gratitude.

Imagine what the world would be like if we all honoured one another....?

Shift Happens

Tonight I went out with a friend of mine that I have not really spoken with in about two years. It was a somewhat strange experience.

Last week, I was walking home from the police station after filling out another police report on the car theft(s), and I saw my former friend's car parked on one of the side streets near my house. This girl used to be my closest friend - we were constant companions for about three years. So, just for the heck of it, I pulled out my phone and decided to call her [but I had to look up her number in my phone book!]. She sounded shocked to hear from me, but things were okay. She had heard that I am moving, and said we should get together before I leave to hang out. So we made a date for tonight.

I'm not really sure what happened between us to end our friendship. There was no major fight, or incident of malice between us. We just both kind of went our separate ways. I know I wasn't the greatest friend [my control issues are a lot more under control now... :-s], and she had issues of her own to deal with. She started pursuing different things in life, and I also moved on to other things.

Anyway, I wasn't sure what to expect of tonight. I felt a little awkward at first - I mean, what do you talk about with someone you haven't really talked with in two years? It started out being about our mutual friends and what they were up to. It was stiff, but things warmed up after awhile. [Mexican food can help - especially fajitas and deep fried ice cream...]

At one point, a waitress walked by with a pitcher of some sort of white, frothy concoction, and I said, "What is that? That looks good!"

She nodded and said, "Yeah, it's pina coloda."

I looked at her, surprised, and said, "But you hate pina colodas."

She looked at me with disbelief and said, "How do you remember those things?!"

I looked down at the table, shrugged and said, "I dunno....I guess some things you just don't forget. We did hang out quite a bit, back in the day..."

It was weird. And maybe if anyone is reading this, it will seem like I'm the weird one for even writing about this, but it was a strange feeling. I imagine it would be a similar feeling as a couple that spent many years together, broke up, and then saw each other again years later. Some things you just don't forget. When you know someone that intimately; what they like, what makes them laugh, what makes them fake laugh, the BS they can pull on anyone but you, their pet peeves, etc....you remember those things. And I guess at first, tonight, it felt like hanging out with a stranger. She is a different person now. We have very different lives. But in the same way, remembering that she hates pina colodas made me realize she's still the same person. I knew her.

I knew her.

And in one way, it makes me sad, because that time is gone now. In another, it makes me smile, to think of all the crazy times we had, and know that they are not forgotten. People change, people grow. Shift happens.

And just to be super-sentimentally-sappy and rip off a line from one of those annoying email forwards, I would sum up this evening with this:

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

A Comment on Comments...

Ok, so the point of this blog is to keep in touch with ya'll, so:

At least give me a clue on your secret identity when you're leaving a comment! I can't tell who is writing what [no super powers yet] so it makes it hard to get "that lovin' feeling" of connectedness if you're just some anonymous chap leaving your two cents [that would be $0.0161917 USD].

AND, for those of you who didn't know: You can comment on any of the posts by clicking the "comment" link at the bottom of each post.

Woo. Technology these days, eh?

Death Food.

It is seriously time to go grocery shopping.

I haven't been grocery shopping since I've been back from Quebec/Ontario/New York, and let's just say my eating habits/choices have been "sketchy at best".

Yesterday, I am ashamed to say, I ate....

McDonald's.

Is it just me, or do other people feel that a trip to the Golden Arches requires clandestine behaviour? As I walked up the escalator at the mall, I swear I saw people eyeing the bag of food and shaking their heads at me.

"McDonald's, eh?" they'd say with a raised eyebrow, "Tsk, tsk."

When I got into the elevator at my office building, I tried to hide the bag from my fellow passengers as I hit "3", but the smell of the wonderful, greasy, deep-fried excuse for potatoes belied my tryst.

I ate in the lunch room with Mina, who was eating a sensible sub, when Dean walked in and asked,

"What's for lunch?"

He glanced over at the burger, fries and coke, and with a look of mock horror on his face exclaimed,

"DEATH FOOD!!"

Go eat some more yogurt.

But seriously, Rosy and I were figuring out the last time we went grocery shopping, and it was 10% off day in JUNE. The first Tuesday in June. Seeing as it's almost August, we're pretty hurtin' right now. In fact, for supper tonight, I had to reach into the far recesses of the can cupboard. Chez Jace was serving "French Canadian Pea Soup" this evening. I think my dad gave me the can in 1998 or something.

After forcing myself to eat the stuff [it does have protein, after all...], I have to say I feel sorry the French are being blamed for it. De/gueulasse!

Alas, if all goes well, my car should be out of the shop tomorrow, and I will have freedom again, and the first store I'm hitting is Safeway! That is, if my car isn't stolen again. [Third time's a charm?] Luckily, I got a "Club" for my birthday.

And finally, in the continuing saga of the prodigal access card, it has been found! Curtis, of all people, walked in today and said the security guys said they had found my card. I shot him a dirty look and told him to shut his trap. [Just kidding! My dirty looks don't require verbal explanation...] But he insisted.....and sure enough, the doorbell rang a little while later, and Curtis came back with my card, still attached to the retractable hookie thing, and returned it to me.

Irony of ironies.

Just another lesson in grace, I guess.

Venerable Vulnerability

So, this morning I made an announcement to the office that I lost my access card [much to my chagrin].

I had to ring the doorbell to get in today. Ann-Marie had a look of surprise on her face when she answered the door and saw me standing there. She said she thought it would have been Curtis. Ha!

I retraced my steps to the mall yesterday, visited the security desk, called lost and found, talked to the food court workers, and alas, no one has seen my access card.

Interestingly enough, my boss just laughed and said, "We'll get you a new one."

Huh. Good thing I'm not my boss. I'd have given myself a hard time.

On a completely different note, I was at Alanna's house last night, with Shelley, Jenna, Dale, Roland and Dave. We were talking about what it means to be vulnerable, and I was saying how we tend to live in a society that's very "safe". We don't really get in each others' faces about things, even when it could be helpful. I'm envious of people/communities/cultures that have the openness with one another to challenge each other in an atmosphere of genuine love or concern for the other's wellbeing. [Sounds so clinical, eh?]

One of the years I grew the most as a person was the year I spent at the Urban Harvest leadership school.

It was brutal.

People crossed into my "safe zones" all over the place, and as much as I have said that I want to be challenged in my life, it was really hard. I wasn't used to people calling me on my crap. [Why is there so much?!] My anthem for the year was "It's gonna be worth it....."!

The flip side is, I also need people in my life to help me see what's good. And I don't mean just fluffy flattery, either. Often I get caught up in trying to "fix" all of my problems, and forget that there's a heck of a lot that I have going for me, and I am incredibly blessed. [That would be "lucky" if you don't speak Christianese.] There's something invaluable in having someone to give you perspective when you're lost in the woe-is-me woods. :-)

Perspective, butt-kicking, encouragement, wisdom, vulnerability, letting down walls, giving, receiving...

Do you think this would be the true meaning of "community"?

Can one expect some grace?

ARGH.

I just lost my access card to our office. I went out for lunch to the food court, and it was hooked on to my pocket with one of those quasi yo-yo retractable clip thingies. And then when I tried to get back into the building, it was gone. Gone! Vanished! Into thin air! [We have no smog.] I had to buzz the security guard and tell him which suite I work in. I think he was grumpy because I disturbed his nap. Downtown is pretty dead on the weekends.

The worst part is, a few months ago, Curtis lost his access card. Now Curtis is just generally disorganized, and lucky to find anything on his desk amidst the month old collection of coffee cups, stacks of memos strewn everywhere, and various scraps of paper with random doodlings or odes to Kenny Chiang on them. Our boss took his sweet time getting him a new card, citing it would make him be extra careful about the next one. In the meantime, the rest of us had to suffer by jumping up to let Curtis in everytime he left the office. I am ashamed to say, I gave him a fairly hard time about it. I grilled him on how anyone could just lose a card like that and made him do a thorough search of his desk, filing cabinet and back pack. And now I'm in the same place!

Gotta go retrace my steps back to the mall after work. *rolls eyes*.

The Journey

I hate bathroom breaks.

If I'm on a road trip, and I know my destination, don't distract me with a side trip to a waterfall, a scenic vista, or the Second Cup. I want to get where I'm going. Now. And usually when I get there, I'm early and bored.

Weird, huh?

I'll bet most people who know me would think I'm the type who likes to savour the moments, stop and smell the roses and enjoy the journey. But I'm not, really. [I hate roses, in fact.] I know this doesn't jive with the Jace most people think they know, but it's true.

I am an impatient person!

I know, in my head, that it's much nicer to stop along the way, to reflect, to contemplate, but I guess sometimes I'm afraid of missing out. Or maybe I'm afraid of getting stuck in my head. My navel is not interesting enough to gaze at for too long. I've been there, done that, been told to get my head out of my...er...um. Yeah.

I tend to live my life in extremes; like a pendulum. For the past two or three years, I've been on high performance road, and if someone asks me how I'm doing, it takes me a while to think about it. I've been really out of touch!

So, I'm hoping to find a happy medium.

Why a blog?

Pretty soon, I'll be leaving The City, to make my habitation in the not-so-thriving non-metropolis of rural Alberta, where friends are few. As my boss, Dean, told me - "If you don't find someone to bounce things off of, you're going to implode." So I'm hoping you, my dear friends, will keep in touch, and, knowing my out-of-sight, out-of-mind tendencies, will keep my feet on the ground, and kick me in the butt when needed. [That would be the proverbial "bb spanking" for all my former Urban Harvest comrades!]

So this is it. I'm going to try to be honest and real and regular in my postings, without boring you to death or causing you to go cross eyed and loopy.

Maybe the icon at the bottom should read "Powered by Performance"?

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end"
Ursula K. LeGuin quotes (American Writer best known for tales of science fiction, b.1929)