Rest In Piece[s]

There once was a pigeon I hated so bad
But now he is dead, and I feel quite sad.
~

Pigeons are those kind of birds that you don't really notice until they've taken over your roof. For some reason, a couple of months ago, a whole flock [flock?] of them decided they should live on the roof of my house, garage, shed, and pretty much everywhere else in between. They're SO FREAKIN' ANNOYING!! You can hear them walking on the roof, the walls have been er- "whitewashed", and they never stop that grating "cooing" noise. It is true, I used to have a soft spot for the little buggers, having been raised with Mary Poppins' bag lady's indoctrination, but I have grown to regard them with the highest degree of enmity. Almost.

Today, I was out doing errands and realized I had forgotten some things at home. So I was driving down the street in front of my house when I spied one of the foul birds in the middle of the road. I admit, because of my animosity towards their coup of my roof, I sped up a little, just to scare it. Usually, they regard you with contempt as though they own the road, too, and only fly off at the last possible second.

Well, this one didn't fly.

As I reached "the point of no return", I was so in shock and terror that I was going to hit the thing, but when I looked in my rear view mirror, he was still puttering around the road. I had driven right over him, but he didn't seem unnerved at all. I swerved over to the side of the road, parked the car, jumped out and yelled at him. [Yeah, in the middle of the street. The neighbours already know I'm weird.]

"What're ya trying to do?!?! Freakin' KILL YOURSELF?!"

He just looked at me, cocked his head and walked a few steps towards me. It was then that I noticed he was limping. I softened a bit.

"Well, just get off of the road, ok?"

I ran inside the house to grab the items I had forgotten, which took about 45 seconds, and when I came back...

...when I came back, he was still in the middle of the road. And a little to the side of the road. And some down the road. One of his wings was near my car.

And I just stood there staring, and I actually started crying. Stupid bird! To make matters worse, his head was turned towards me, and his eyes were still open, and he looked really sad.

Um, so this is my homage to a pigeon I never knew. You were vexing in life, to be sure, but I never would have wished you the horrible death you had to suffer.

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