October 17th.
I find that I've come to the end of my day (yes, it's only 7:50 pm), and yet I have nothing of note to write. Perhaps it's the sheer exhaustion, for there is plenty to write on from the weekend. It's just that usually at least one thing happens in my day that makes me go, "Hmmm". Either I'm really just so tired that my mind isn't functioning, or I went through my day too quickly to notice the details. That scares me.
September seemed to be the longest month of my life. When I realized it was October 17th today, I did a double take. Didn't we just start October??
I finally went back to the gym after missing a few days. Josie, the girl who works the front counter and has become my chatty work-out buddy (believe me, it makes the time go by so much quicker!), ummmm...wow....I can find no good way to make this into a decent sentence. So I'll start again, now that you know who Josie is.
I finally went back to the gym after missing a few days. Josie looked shocked to see me and made a louder-than-necessary fuss over how long it had been since I was there last. "How long was it?" Well, to my chagrin, she checked the login book, and it's been over three weeks. Yikes. That's what happens when you let life take over.
I haven't been sick at all since I started teaching, which is apparently like a world record feat that should be recorded in Ripley's Believe It Or Not. I guess first year teachers are supposed to get sick a lot. I credit it to making sleep a high priority (something I learned far too late in University), eating healthy food, and exercising. Somehow the balance of the three make life easier to take. I don't get as stressed, and when I do, I can take a step back and see life with some perspective. I've still got the sleep thing down, and the food is still good (no opportunities for death food in Bonnyville....), so I guess I just have to pick up the slack on the activity department.
Ugh. I don't know when I will be able to get back into a rhythm of writing on daily observations. I really don't like writing about these mundane details. Bear with me, and eventually the writing will come back.
I feel a little off today, and like I said, it's been a long day, and I just realized it's October 17th. Well, I knew that before, but I just realized it would be my grandmother's birthday today. Those of you who have known me for a few years know how her life was stolen from her and the profound effect it had on me personally. I think deep down maybe that's what's been getting to me today. It would have been her 80th birthday today. Wow. I still miss her so much. Quite often I think about things she would say in different situations - her humour, her wisdom, her way of doing things. So much has changed since the time she was taken. I feel like a different person. I'm in a new career, a new house, a new town, a new space mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I've grown.
It was after she died that I started writing daily. And if I look back in my journals from that time, I see how the course of my life has changed. Most importantly, I see how God's hand has been with me throughout it all. It was probably the hardest thing in my life to let go of her, and to come to grips that she was snatched away so quickly, yet it was through it that I came to know God in a personal way as never before. I had to lean on him. I was angry as hell at him, but I knew that without him, I would literally fall apart. Or perhaps I did fall apart, and he just showed me that it was okay not to have it all together. He has walked me through the valley of the shadow of death, and I know now that he will never leave me.
Yeah. Maybe that is what was bugging me today. This is why I love writing. I started out with nothing to say other than the surface level everyday stuff, but the longer I write, the deeper it gets. Maybe this will get the ball rolling again.
And I just feel I need to say, if anyone is walking through a difficult time right now, know that God is walking with you. He won't ever leave you. And it's okay to be mad at him. He can take it. Just make sure you tell him how you feel - it's the fact that you can turn to him and talk to him that makes the difference.
==
September seemed to be the longest month of my life. When I realized it was October 17th today, I did a double take. Didn't we just start October??
I finally went back to the gym after missing a few days. Josie, the girl who works the front counter and has become my chatty work-out buddy (believe me, it makes the time go by so much quicker!), ummmm...wow....I can find no good way to make this into a decent sentence. So I'll start again, now that you know who Josie is.
I finally went back to the gym after missing a few days. Josie looked shocked to see me and made a louder-than-necessary fuss over how long it had been since I was there last. "How long was it?" Well, to my chagrin, she checked the login book, and it's been over three weeks. Yikes. That's what happens when you let life take over.
I haven't been sick at all since I started teaching, which is apparently like a world record feat that should be recorded in Ripley's Believe It Or Not. I guess first year teachers are supposed to get sick a lot. I credit it to making sleep a high priority (something I learned far too late in University), eating healthy food, and exercising. Somehow the balance of the three make life easier to take. I don't get as stressed, and when I do, I can take a step back and see life with some perspective. I've still got the sleep thing down, and the food is still good (no opportunities for death food in Bonnyville....), so I guess I just have to pick up the slack on the activity department.
Ugh. I don't know when I will be able to get back into a rhythm of writing on daily observations. I really don't like writing about these mundane details. Bear with me, and eventually the writing will come back.
I feel a little off today, and like I said, it's been a long day, and I just realized it's October 17th. Well, I knew that before, but I just realized it would be my grandmother's birthday today. Those of you who have known me for a few years know how her life was stolen from her and the profound effect it had on me personally. I think deep down maybe that's what's been getting to me today. It would have been her 80th birthday today. Wow. I still miss her so much. Quite often I think about things she would say in different situations - her humour, her wisdom, her way of doing things. So much has changed since the time she was taken. I feel like a different person. I'm in a new career, a new house, a new town, a new space mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I've grown.
It was after she died that I started writing daily. And if I look back in my journals from that time, I see how the course of my life has changed. Most importantly, I see how God's hand has been with me throughout it all. It was probably the hardest thing in my life to let go of her, and to come to grips that she was snatched away so quickly, yet it was through it that I came to know God in a personal way as never before. I had to lean on him. I was angry as hell at him, but I knew that without him, I would literally fall apart. Or perhaps I did fall apart, and he just showed me that it was okay not to have it all together. He has walked me through the valley of the shadow of death, and I know now that he will never leave me.
Yeah. Maybe that is what was bugging me today. This is why I love writing. I started out with nothing to say other than the surface level everyday stuff, but the longer I write, the deeper it gets. Maybe this will get the ball rolling again.
And I just feel I need to say, if anyone is walking through a difficult time right now, know that God is walking with you. He won't ever leave you. And it's okay to be mad at him. He can take it. Just make sure you tell him how you feel - it's the fact that you can turn to him and talk to him that makes the difference.
==
posted by jacelyn at
7:40 p.m.
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